The Social Penetration theory has been metaphorically referred to as an onion -– also used to describe everyone’s favorite green ogre, Shrek. It states that as relationships develop communication moves from shallow levels to deeper ones.
I see this at work in all my relationships. I have a majority of outer layer relationships: people in my classes that I recognize but are below friendship status. I see them on campus and say hi, or we talk about homework, but our conversations do not go beyond the common courtesies you give grocery baggers.
I do have a few middle-level relationships: people I sit with and chat with before class and theater mates that weren'’t best friends, but still friends. Often these medium friendships die off with separation caused by a new semester and busy schedules. Many of these revive in the moments we have time to catch up, but they are stagnant, frozen in time until next contact, dying away slowly until a simple “Hi,” not even acknowledging the past relationship, is all that’ is communicated. I feel bad for those situations and am trying to become more intentional to keep the friendships alive for the brief moments they have.
My core friendships are with my fiancé, immediate family, relatives, and friends I would rank as besties. These people have found their way through my comfortably closed layers to get to know the real me, and vice-versa. Normally we share many things in common, including the bond of time. Time can be a relationship maker, or breaker. The bond my sister and our best friend Michelle have shared growing up together each summer since we were toddlers is one that I hope will remain timeless as we intentionally attempt to keep in touch, despite of life’s busyness.
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