Entry 8 - Interactional View

Communication theorist, Paul Watzlawick 

looked "at dysfunctional patterns within families in order to gain insight into healthy communication.”

As the member of a family,  this theory resonates with me. Four different people living together under one roof for 18 plus years have to find a pattern of survival with each other. Often times, it can be unhealthy. As one of the family members struggles, the other members feel the painful tug. We are all connected.

The theory explains the roles family members play, and these roles are often switched around. Using my family as an example:

One with the problem - Lilia, Jo, Dad
Enabler - Dad, Lilia
Deny-er - Dad, Jo
Hero - Mom

Most of the time, Mom has to remain the hero and pulls the family back into balance. No wonder being a mother is a hard job! I deeply admire her for that.

At an early age, I discovered that, between my sister and I, there always had to be one of us in the "bad guy" role. When I was the rebellious kid, she was the obedient kid; when she was the misbehaved girl, I was the well-behaved girl. It was not until we were teenagers that this cycle subsided. Even as a child, I understood the reason to be jealousy. One of us does well and is praised, so the other feels inadequate and snatches her parent's attention in a negative, but effective, way. Lovely.

Through the years, God has taught each of us how handle one another in love and to operate as a healthier family unit. We still have loose ends, but I find that I have grown so accustomed to our dysfunctions that I find it easier to deal with temperamental people like us rather than with sensitive people.